kelli

I have rarely felt supported by Black men in my leadership. I’ve never written or talked about this publicly but it’s my truth. I’ve had Black men walk away from work II was leading without a word of feedback or complaint. I’ve supervised Black men who refused to follow my lead. I’ve received silence when celebrated by others for good work. It’s not that I haven’t had these experiences with Black women leaders; it’s been rare. In my experience, Black women have championed me. Openly told me they wanted me to win. Pulled me to the side to give me correction and feedback.

As a leader, I’ve felt deeply held by Black women.

Recently, other Black women have shared that they too are having difficult leadership experiences with Black men.

Let’s be clear. Black women don’t want special treatment. They want to be acknowledged for the value they bring to the teams they work on and lead. They want to bring fresh ideas and not keep the same stale leadership and management norms in place. They don’t want to find out that their male counterpart is making thousands more than them while doing less work. They don’t want to be scolded or iced out when they don’t co-sign toxic bro behavior from their Black male colleagues. To not have Black men see and value what Black women bring to the table is a disappointment that hits different.

“We need the Black men in our leadership circles to unpack how misogyny shows up in their leadership.”

I admit that I’ve felt frustrated and have avoided talking about this with the Black men in my circle.  Then, I received an email from a Black man I barely know.  He’s been doing some internal work thanks to the leadership of Dr. Yanique Redwood.  Dr. Yanique is the author of “White Women Cry and Call Me Angry,” a book chronicling her experiences as a Black woman leading in white spaces.  One of the by-products of her book is a convening for Black men, facilitated by her husband.  (You see that?!  This Black woman has a supportive partner helping other Black men show up for Black women.)  The email I received asked me a series of questions that can be summed up as “do you have feedback for me about how I show up for Black women.”  I didn’t know how I wanted to respond until I sat down to write this post. 

Instead of spewing off a bunch of assumptions, I want to counter the inquiry with a series of reflection questions.  As a coach, I deeply believe that the answers we’re looking for are inside of us.  So, I hope my questions below invite Black men who read them to do their work to find the answers.  I hope they’ll consider these questions as they lead with Black women on their teams, in collaborations, and in their lives.  If they do, I believe Black men and women can co-create the organizational cultures and leadership teams necessary for the future. 

Reflection Questions

• Do you have a partner at home holding the family down while expecting the Black women on your team to work long, unreasonable hours?

• Are you paying the men on your team more money, even if the Black women have more education, experience, and outcomes?

• When was the last time you sponsored a Black woman by saying her name at a networking or visibility opportunity she doesn’t have access to? Or extended/requested she receive an invitation to the opportunity?

• Do you have a bias toward team members who emulate the leadership status quo in your organization?

• Do you amplify the leadership of Black women who are excelling?

• What, if anything, about the leadership of Black women (presence, approach, etc.) triggers you?

• Are you uncomfortable with Black women having more power than you? Being more educated than you? Making more money than you?

• Do you believe that Black women get special treatment? If so, does that belief impact your professional relationship with Black women in leadership?

• Have you nominated a Black woman for an award?

• Have you checked to make sure the Black women on your team know the promotion pathways in your organization?

• How often has your feedback to Black women included mention of tone or attire? Tangible examples of their work performance?

• Do you harm Black women by allowing company policies to be undermined by failing to address negative workplace practices?

• How can you show solidarity for Black women in leadership?

I hope these questions provoke insight for the Black men who read it.  If it does, let me know in the comments below.

For the Black women who resonate with this post, I’m curious: what would repair look like? How can Black men you work with show that they value your leadership?

Black women are historically courageous leaders whose journeys make the way for us all to thrive. Our courage is not rooted in exceptionalism but in the ancestral wisdom that lives within us. The experiences of our foremothers lives in us and helps us to find ways to survive the most unjust conditions and systems.  

The fact that the journey of Black women as leaders is intertwined with the struggles for freedom and justice should not be forgotten. From the abolitionist movements led by women like Harriet Tubman and Sojourner Truth to the Civil Rights era propelled by figures like Claudette Colvin and Coretta Scott King, to contemporary leaders like Monica Roberts and Kimberle Crenshaw, Black women have been at the forefront of social change, often risking their lives to fight for the rights of their communities. 

In today’s workplaces, the legacy of Black women’s courage continues to reverberate. As Black women, we face challenges in and outside the workplace because folks don’t see us for who we truly are, or they don’t give us the respect we deserve. But that doesn’t stop us. Despite facing systemic barriers and pervasive discrimination, Black women persist as leaders, innovators, and change-makers. We keep on pushing forward, bringing our unique perspectives and talents to the table.

We lead with courage knowing that the struggles we experience as leaders are not badges of honor. 

Being courageous includes carving out the time to tend to ourselves. That’s why in my work with clients I emphasize that there is honor and strength in rest. There is honor and strength in slowing down. There is honor and strength in heading to the yellow light so we can sit down and just be.

As we reflect on the historic courage of Black women leaders, it’s essential to recognize that our journey is ongoing. While progress has been made, systemic barriers and inequities persist, requiring continued courage and community to overcome. By honoring the legacy of historically courageous Black women and amplifying the experiences of their contemporaries, we can create workplaces and societies where all individuals, regardless of race or gender, can thrive and lead with courage.

Courage knows no bounds. As we navigate the challenges of today and shape the future of tomorrow, let us stand in solidarity, uplift one another, and continue the journey toward a more just and equitable world.

How have you shown courage recently?  

Edited by Chiugo Akujuobi

Recently, I was asked thought-provoking questions that made me reflect on leadership as a Black woman and femme: 1) What do I mean by “leadership”, and 2) If I have a framework or philosophy to my work. These questions sparked some real reflections that I want to share.

Redefining Leadership

Your title means nothing when it comes to actually leading. Your jobs will change, but who you are at your core, your goal and purpose to make the world a better place won’t. We are taught a lot of the time that we can only call ourselves a leader if others call us that or if we have a title that marks us as a leader. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Leadership comes from the gut feelings we get to act, to speak up, to plan. Having a strong pull within you to achieve a goal and to achieve that goal in a particular, human-centered way makes you a leader. There is no mention of a specific title. Leadership comes when we speak up because we have courage to share our ideas or we just feel our ideas are worth considering, even if that feeling isn’t backed by confidence. As a coach, I want the ideas that you want to explore, the ways you need and want to lead to feel safe enough in this space to be seen. Here there is no judgment, no guilt, no shame. 

My Philosophy of Love and Freedom

My guiding philosophy is the Love + Freedom tagline I use for my business. When I think about leadership, I think about how we must love our own unique way of leading. For that love to come, we have to get clear about what our unique way of leading even looks like. We have to put less weight on the leadership advice of popular leaders like John Maxwell and other folks’ leadership books and principles. Their advice has value, but we’re often too caught up in imitating others that we forget to tap into what makes us uniquely powerful leaders. It’s those special qualities you bring to the table that help shape our organizations into spaces where Black women and femmes can flourish as themselves. I want us to lead in a way that inspires love for our leadership because it shows the world a full picture of who we are at our core. When we get clear about what qualities we bring to leadership, we are free to have the life and impact we want to have. Even if we aren’t in our dream position, those unique qualities will carry us until we get to where we want to be. 

Remember: We are not leaders so we can talk about leading on LinkedIn. We are leaders because we show up in our own unique ways to help our teams and organizations accomplish their goals.

I’m curious, what’s your philosophy about leadership?

Blog edited by Chiugo Akujuobi