Black at Work: How Black Men Show Up for Black Women in Leadership

I have rarely felt supported by Black men in my leadership. I’ve never written or talked about this publicly but it’s my truth. I’ve had Black men walk away from work II was leading without a word of feedback or complaint. I’ve supervised Black men who refused to follow my lead. I’ve received silence when celebrated by others for good work. It’s not that I haven’t had these experiences with Black women leaders; it’s been rare. In my experience, Black women have championed me. Openly told me they wanted me to win. Pulled me to the side to give me correction and feedback.

As a leader, I’ve felt deeply held by Black women.

Recently, other Black women have shared that they too are having difficult leadership experiences with Black men.

Let’s be clear. Black women don’t want special treatment. They want to be acknowledged for the value they bring to the teams they work on and lead. They want to bring fresh ideas and not keep the same stale leadership and management norms in place. They don’t want to find out that their male counterpart is making thousands more than them while doing less work. They don’t want to be scolded or iced out when they don’t co-sign toxic bro behavior from their Black male colleagues. To not have Black men see and value what Black women bring to the table is a disappointment that hits different.

“We need the Black men in our leadership circles to unpack how misogyny shows up in their leadership.”

I admit that I’ve felt frustrated and have avoided talking about this with the Black men in my circle.  Then, I received an email from a Black man I barely know.  He’s been doing some internal work thanks to the leadership of Dr. Yanique Redwood.  Dr. Yanique is the author of “White Women Cry and Call Me Angry,” a book chronicling her experiences as a Black woman leading in white spaces.  One of the by-products of her book is a convening for Black men, facilitated by her husband.  (You see that?!  This Black woman has a supportive partner helping other Black men show up for Black women.)  The email I received asked me a series of questions that can be summed up as “do you have feedback for me about how I show up for Black women.”  I didn’t know how I wanted to respond until I sat down to write this post. 

Instead of spewing off a bunch of assumptions, I want to counter the inquiry with a series of reflection questions.  As a coach, I deeply believe that the answers we’re looking for are inside of us.  So, I hope my questions below invite Black men who read them to do their work to find the answers.  I hope they’ll consider these questions as they lead with Black women on their teams, in collaborations, and in their lives.  If they do, I believe Black men and women can co-create the organizational cultures and leadership teams necessary for the future. 

Reflection Questions

• Do you have a partner at home holding the family down while expecting the Black women on your team to work long, unreasonable hours?

• Are you paying the men on your team more money, even if the Black women have more education, experience, and outcomes?

• When was the last time you sponsored a Black woman by saying her name at a networking or visibility opportunity she doesn’t have access to? Or extended/requested she receive an invitation to the opportunity?

• Do you have a bias toward team members who emulate the leadership status quo in your organization?

• Do you amplify the leadership of Black women who are excelling?

• What, if anything, about the leadership of Black women (presence, approach, etc.) triggers you?

• Are you uncomfortable with Black women having more power than you? Being more educated than you? Making more money than you?

• Do you believe that Black women get special treatment? If so, does that belief impact your professional relationship with Black women in leadership?

• Have you nominated a Black woman for an award?

• Have you checked to make sure the Black women on your team know the promotion pathways in your organization?

• How often has your feedback to Black women included mention of tone or attire? Tangible examples of their work performance?

• Do you harm Black women by allowing company policies to be undermined by failing to address negative workplace practices?

• How can you show solidarity for Black women in leadership?

I hope these questions provoke insight for the Black men who read it.  If it does, let me know in the comments below.

For the Black women who resonate with this post, I’m curious: what would repair look like? How can Black men you work with show that they value your leadership?