How Life and Leadership Experiences Shape Emotional Intelligence for Black Women

As Black women, our life and leadership experiences can be filled with unique challenges that profoundly shape our emotional intelligence (EQ). Overt racism, microaggressions, being over-educated but grossly underpaid, being the first and only at work AND in the family, paying the Black tax, and the list goes on. These experiences can impact how we see ourselves, relate to others, and navigate the spaces where we lead.

EQ and the Lived Experiences of Black Women

Here’s how our lived experiences influence key aspects of EQ and why it’s crucial for our leadership and personal growth:

1. Self-Perception: Navigating Identity and Confidence

Being a Black woman in leadership often means being one of the few, if not the only, in the room. This leads us to feel like imposters and affects how we perceive our value and capabilities. Microaggressions (I call them aggressions. IYKYK…), tone-policing, and the pressure to out-perform can negatively impact our self-regard and how we see ourselves. We have to face these feelings and affirm our worth by telling our own selves and each other that our presence and voice are important.

2. Self-Expression: The Power of Authenticity

Now you know I don’t believe in bringing our whole selves to work, but I do think we can be authentic. It can feel tricky having to navigate between being true to ourselves and conforming to expectations in our organizations and on our teams. The need to constantly monitor our tone and presentation can stifle authentic self-expression and lead to a lot of self doubt. It’s vital to have spaces where we can express our emotions and thoughts freely, knowing that our perspectives are valid and necessary. This is the main reason I built my practice for US.

3. Interpersonal Relationships: Building Meaningful Connections

As leaders, building strong, trusting relationships is key. This can be difficult when we are the one of the few or only. Or if we’re in a space where we don’t have any clear allies. This may require us to go out on a risk and extend a measure of trust to someone new to us. One way we can step outside of our comfort zones is to open up and try building rapport with folks who are potential supporters. This might mean joining a leadership program, or expressing interest in a new role. Those who take an interest in your development are a great place to start building connections in a way that is meaningful to your career.

4. Decision Making: Balancing Emotion and Logic

The archetype of Black women as superwomen has harmed us in so many ways. One in particular is that we carry unnecessary weight at home, in community, and at work. Being able to balance all of those things can influence our decision-making processes in negative ways. Can you say bandwidth?! Sometimes logic gets in the way or emotion and vice versa. Building your emotional intelligence can help you make decisions that are strategic and aligned with your values and in the best interest of the wellbeing of you and those you lead.

5. Stress Management: I got this…Sort of

How to get your EQ back to a healthy a zone

• Acknowledge your emotions: It’s okay to admit when things are tough. Acknowledging your feelings is not a sign of weakness but a step towards healing and strength. Call and make that therapy appointment, sis!

• Seek community and support: Lean on other Black women who understand your journey. Get you a mentor, join one of our coaching groups, or check in with your sister circle. You have to have safe spaces to process and be supported.

• Be a boundary boss: Tell the truth. You’re a boss about everyone and everything except for you. Stop it! It’s time to (re)commit to protecting your time, energy, and peace. If it’s not a HELL YES, then it needs to be a HELL NO. Prioritizing your needs and capacity can no longer be negotiable. Lay down the guilt and get free of things that are no longer allowing you to be your best self.

• Invest in YOU: The same way you invest in your partner, kids, nieces and nephews, and mama is the way you need to invest in yourself. Save some time on your calendar for things that bring you joy, peace, and connection. Doing so is essential for your mental and emotional health.

• Be a hope dealer: Yes, the world continues to shit on Black women. But that doesn’t mean we have to sit in it. Let’s embrace an afro-futurist mindset that imagines a world where were are valued, respected, and protected. If we focus on what we’re building vs. what has been, we bring hope to ourselves and the world around us.

Emotional intelligence is a journey, not a destination. It is not fixed. So wherever you are today does not mean you have to stay there. I’m working on me based on my results. I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. That doesn’t mean the difficulty has left. t means I’ve refocused my energy to what will serve and heal me so I can show up as the leader I aspire to be.

Having a healthy EQ to inform our leadership is a powerful way to show up for ourselves and our communities. By nurturing our emotional intelligence, we not only lead more effectively but also live more authentically. I hope you’ll join me on the journey.

You can book an EQ-i 2.0 assessment here on the site.