By now, you know I’m passionate about emotional intelligence (EQ) as an essential skill for all leaders of humans (animals too!) Having a high EQ requires some intentionality to maintain because unlike IQ, your EQ is not fixed. Since EQ is impacted by the things we experience in our lives and leadership, we must be mindful (not demure, maybe cutesy) about it.
You may be navigating how toxic U.S. politics are spilling over into your work environment; or you abruptly had your job duties change because of how the attacks on diversity, equity and inclusion is being addressed in your organization. Maintaining your emotional intelligence are key to helping you lead with confidence and keep your emotional well-being in a good place. If you’re struggling, here’s how to get started:
First, ask yourself these five questions:
1. Self-Perception – Do you internally question your value or abilities (a.k.a. feel like an imposter) or go out of your way to make it clear you’re qualified for your role?
2. Self-Expression – Are you less comfortable expressing your opinions around anything that could be perceived to be connected to race or social justice at work, even when it’s relevant to the conversation?
3. Interpersonal – Has the lack of psychological safety left you feeling distant or disconnected from others?
4. Decision Making – Have challenges in your organization created tensions between staff that make it harder for you to make decisions?
5. Stress Management – Are you finding it more difficult to manage your stress or stay calm given the state of the world?
Look at your responses. What surprised you? What concerned you? What made you feel great?
1. Identify Your Emotions
You can feel hard things. The idea that emotions have no place at work or in leadership is not useful. You’re a human being. You have feelings. What we want is for you to actually tap into those feelings so they don’t take over how you show up as a leader. Check out this great feelings wheel, especially if you a feelings dodger or an earth sign (often confused with not expressing emotion). If you find yourself in the xx part of the wheel, consider keeping a list or journal to track how certain experiences impact your mood and decision-making.
2. Practice Active Listening
Active listening is a skill most of us need to work on, especially post-pandemic as we lead in environments that have rapidly changed. Active listening includes paying attention to what is said and unsaid. When in conversations, focus not only on the words but the emotions behind them. Make sure to ask questions and avoid making assumptions about what you think you’re hearing.
3. Strengthen Your Self-Expression
Let’s be real. Everyone cannot handle all of you and what you think! You need a safe space to express your emotions authentically without fear of judgment (eh-hem…schedule your next session if you’re not on the calendar). This helps you practice speaking your truth in tough situations so you can then show up at work in a way that keeps you safe. Sometimes y’all out here verbal vomiting and saying the the truth you see in a space that cannot hold it.
4. Manage Stress with Mindfulness
According to positive psychology (PQ), we need about 10 seconds to reroute neurons when our Saboteurs are activated. Mindfulness helps you create new neural pathways. You can use mindfulness to pause when you’re being controlling or hyper vigilant about something. Basically, when your mind is taking control, pause long enough to get back in your body. Shift the energy so you can remain clear-headed and not get flustered or overwhelmed. As someone who hates to meditate, I had to find mindfulness tools that worked for me. My practice of choice is tapping (current clients can access the tapping resources in our coaching resources board). Find a practice that you can use before your (work) triggers get you activated.
5. Build a Support Network
Finding community can be hard for Black women leading in white spaces. Sometimes it’s the organizational culture or politics. Other times, it’s finding a leader who understands your experience as a Black woman and who is not intimidated by you. Some of y’all have just had really toxic experiences so you rather keep to yourself. Isolation is a tool of dominate culture. When leaders are isolated, the head noise can be exceptionally loud. You need community. I said it. You need people to lead well. You need their perspectives and their pushback. Their support and their challenge. Surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals creates a strong professional and emotional support system. If you’ve been nervous about connecting with other leaders, check out sone of our small groups as a way to ease into a network.
If you’re ready to join a small group with Black women in leadership who are thriving, fill out our intake form.
Ready to take your EQ development to the next level? Schedule an EQ-i 2.0 assessment for yourself or your team today and start your journey toward more empowered leadership!
