Kelli King-Jackson, ACC

Coaching for Black women leading in white spaces.

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Grounded

Are you grounded?

What does that even mean?

I visualize grounding as the moment when dirt and plants connect to create the environment needed for something to grow.

Survey Results

When I recently wrote about the distress I was seeing in my coaching clients, I didn’t know if my readers would relate. I was curious enough to send out a survey in my newsletter and LinkedIn asking folks to tell me how they were REALLY doing.

Here’s what y’all said:

two surveys that use emoji faces to vote

Only 14% of the folx who took my survey had a smiling emoji. Everyone else ranged from 😐 to 😩.

I mean, I wasn’t shocked but then again I was.

Let me speak in I statements. I can say that MY life has totally gone off the rails since then. My fatigue meter went waaaay up and my capacity to take action went way down. Add in my perimenopausal symptoms and it’s a wrap.

I’m stuck.

My clients too.

What about you?

At What Cost?

Recently I started asking ‘at what cost’ anytime a client starts talking about being over-committed/burned out/exhausted. I get curious about how they gauge their capacity as leaders.

How did you get to an eight-day work week?

What will happen if you don’t respond to emails during your vacation?

What are you willing to drop to say yes to that new committee role?

I hold the coaching space for clients to explore. No judgment. No shame. Just a lot of openness for folks to slow down their pace long enough to self-determine what they want for themselves and their leadership. I like to ask questions that are not about the client’s calendar and or strategic plan.

What do you want?

What are you willing to let go to have it?

If having it all is not an option, what will you choose to pursue?

These are not thinking only questions. They are feeling, touching, and listening to questions, too.

Right now many of us are in cerebral land. Thoughts swirling around. Replaying conversations. Retraumaziting ourselves as we think about all the things that can and have gone wrong.

Turning off the loop is possible.

Isn’t it?

What if we collectively commit to stop the spinning and get grounded again?

Ways to Get Started

Here are some things I’ll be doing over the next 30 days. (Maybe something on this list will call you to it. 🤔)

  • Daily walks on my Peloton.
  • Drink more water.
  • Realign my calendar to my goals.
  • Re-engage with tools in my toolkit (Therapy, Tapping, Music, etc.).
  • Time outdoors (alone and with humans).

Full disclosure: Nothing on this list is new to me. I know that doing the things on this list will help me. Unfortunately, when in distress, rooting down to be present with and for MYSELF is the last thing on my mind. Instead, I flail around fighting, fleeing, and forgetting that I already have the resources I need to realign. Our human nature is strange that way. That’s why collective actions work. They create the energy needed for transformation to occur.

We can do this together, y’all. We certainly can’t do it alone.

Join me.

Share 1 or 2 commitments you will make to help get yourself grounded again.

Black at Work: Overproducer

I have a brown thumb. I cannot grow a plant to save my life. My downfall is that I am an overproducer. I go above and beyond for the plant so that it can be the best. Sure, I do the typical things like making sure the plant is getting the right amount of light or the best soil. But I don’t trust the plant or Mother Nature so I keep working to make sure the plant has everything it needs until one day I look up and the plant has gone to the light.

The plant could not thrive under the pressure.

Truth be told, neither could I. But overproducing is what happens when you overwork. And that’s a scene I know all too well.

This past month multiple clients have joined me in OVERland. They come into their coaching sessions fatigued. Burned all the way out. It’s only the end of April and I am seeing the type of exhaustion that is more common in the fourth quarter of the year. My clients are overproducing – tending to all the needs, real and perceived – and they cannot thrive.

Here’s what my clients are telling me:

  • I can’t push anymore.
  • I’ve been doing two people’s jobs for the past year and have not had an increase in compensation.
  • I know I’m tired but I have to show up for this important work.
  • We used to honor boundaries but now my boss calls me in the evenings and on weekends.
  • After this next meeting/conference/training I will take a break.

And the list goes on.

It doesn’t have to be this way, y’all.

I believe we can stop overproducing and still have an impact and meet our goals.

Imagine this:

You choose to be average at something you don’t need to be excellent at.

You take a break. Decline an invitation to serve on yet another committee. Use all your PTO.

For my readers who can’t even imagine what I’m suggesting, here are four baby steps to slow your pace enough to stop yourself from overproducing:

1️⃣ Check in on your goals/workplan weekly. Doing this will give you regular opportunities to see when you are in a lot of meetings and examine if those time commitments are aligned with your goals.

2️⃣ Organize your task list according to your goals/workplan. Is one goal getting more attention than the others? Does everything on your list have to be done right now or can they wait for a later time?

3️⃣ Audit your calendar. Do you have thinking space? One way to avoid overproducing is to take time away from your to-do list and meetings to strategize.

4️⃣ Delegate. A key way to stop overproducing is by lifting up the leadership of others on your team, especially your direct report(s). Giving others a chance to grow and get visibility is a sign of a good leader.

Overproducing does not have to be your norm. The unlearning of harmful practices doesn’t happen overnight. It comes with a deep longing and listening to Self at the highest level. I hope this list helps you create the space in your schedule and mind to be a leader who saves something for Self. When you have something left for you, growth is possible.

Are you in?

Comment below or message me on LinkedIn to let me know what you’ll willing to do to stop being an overproducer.

Group Coaching as Collective Leadership

Real talk. I have been saying I was going to start group coaching for the past two years. Each time, I have backed out because of fear. It’s taken me a while to unpack the root of the fear and as I’m moving through it, I thought I should share in case you’re wondering if group coaching is for you.

As a coach to Black women, I am always unlearning ways of being I picked up over decades of leading in white spaces. Those ways of being are also biases that I didn’t realize had become part of my unconscious way of leading. Let me know if you can relate.

  1. Leadership is a personal journey and is better when done one-on-one.
  2. Making sure everyone gets attention is a lot of work.
  3. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. AKA change is hard.
group of Black women in colorful clothes sitting together

Y’all, I was wrong. In this month of celebrating women, here is what I know to be true when I move through my doubt and negative self-talk.

  1. The idea of privileging leadership as solo journey is such limited thinking. Black communities are familiar with collective leadership. Whether it’s the usher board or the sorority chapter. We do groups.
  2. Black women know sisterhood. We know how to take care of each other. There is nothing more dynamic than watching a group of Black women vibing and connecting. IYKYK.
  3. While I LOVE coaching Black women one-on-one, there are some Black women who would benefit from a collective expereince. This change would be an expansion that will welcome more Black women into a community of support and growth.

So…I’m adding groups, y’all. Coming to a virtual space near you. My groups will be a space for folks who are tired of the isolation of climbing the leadership ladder and who are looking for community as they grow. This group will explore how Black women can lead from a place of authenticity and still have an impact, meet their goals, and get the bag. Let’s build something new together.

Group Coaching

Black at Work: D.E.A.R.

If you are a child of the 80’s you remember D.E.A.R. If you were a Ramona Quimby, Age 8 fan you remember D.E.A.R.

Drop

Everything

And

Read.

Read?!

In the olden days, D.E.A.R. didn’t happen by accident. It was a dedicated time in the school schedule. Schedule = priority. Commitment.

Having a regular time to read and learn new information has become increasingly difficult for many busy professionals. Many of them work in cultures that move from meeting to meeting. From Teams to Zoom.

Many clients say that they don’t have time to think, let alone read. Clients want to grow their knowledge but the way their workdays are set up, learning new information does not rank high on their daily to-do list.

How are folks supposed to grow as professionals if they don’t have regular time to learn, vision, think? Especially around subject matters that are new to them — like equity.


Catalyst:ed, a national nonprofit, recently released a report called Supporting Equity-Centered Strategic Learning Practices. I was intrigued by the topic because learning is an organizational cultural norm that varies greatly from place to place. Of course, equity is also something I and my clients care deeply about.

In the strategic learning framework that accompanies the report, one of the recommendations is to allocate a budget and time to support strategic learning. Sort of like a grown-up D.E.A.R. time.

The idea of having a culture of learning that is rooted in equity, that will have designated time and leadership support was refreshing.

LOVE it!

I’ve seen some places working toward equity offer organization-wide trainings or author talks. Others have department-level team learnings. Most of these learning opportunities focus on interpersonal relationships. But very few have a deeply embedded culture of learning that focuses on equity in the subject-matter of the organizations’ expertise, management, HR, Finance, etc.

More, please. 😍

What if every organization had a D.E.A.R. culture that prioritized learning about equity in the subject-matter? Maybe, being Black at Work would get safer and start to fulfill some of the promises listed in the equity statements of the past few years. What if the strategic learning time also had elements that were flexible and employee-directed? Now THAT would be a D.E.A.R. time to remember.

Until the tide changes here are three things you can do to prioritize learning about equity in your profession:

  1. Search LinkedIn, Harvard Business Journal, Standford Social Innovation Review, etc. for articles around equity in your profession;
  2. Schedule short 30 minute reading times at least once a week. Honor the time and don’t book other ‘more important’ meetings over it;
  3. Invite a colleague into the conversation about what equity in your field can look like – and use the article as a starting point.

Remember, change doesn’t have to start with big, audacious steps. Sometimes change is more impactful in the small, subtle modeling.

If your organization has begun to allocate time for strategic learning around equity – or if you’ve taken it upon yourself to initiate learning on your own – I’d love to hear how it’s going.

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