Kelli King-Jackson, ACC

Coaching for Black women leading in white spaces.

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Quick Reset

This morning I (begrudgingly) decided to write in my family journal – a task my husband asked us all to do a few weeks ago. 😬
Actually, he asked us to write prayers for each other. 
I realized today I’ve been in my feelings about some stuff which is why I have been blocked. 🚫
A quick aroma reset on what I am feeling and the words finally started to flow. 💐


The first words were more rant than prayer. 🤷🏾‍♀️
The good thing about removing blocks is once the negative is out, the positive energy can flow. 🧘🏾‍♀️
My words became a gratitude list and then prayers for my village. 🙏🏾
My last line to God says: I see you. I get it. I love you.
Lesson: Don’t let ‘hard’ stop you.  Keep going.

kelli

Enneagram Life

Because I am a good nerd, I like to spend my birthday alone.  Some years I craft.  Others I read or do a spa day.  This year, my birthday was on a Saturday and my husband surprised me and flew one of my best sisters in from Cali.  Seeing her sweet face made what had been a rough few months 10,000 times lighter.  My husbands timing was perfect because my ‘plans’ had fallen through.  In my head, I had planned to go on a genealogy road trip through the deep south to do some research at local libraries for my special day.  When he shared his plans for my birthday weekend I felt a sigh of relief that I was not in charge of finding something to do to ring in the 4-4.

In the end, things worked out as they always do — just as they should.  I had a great weekend with friends and family.  I got two extra ‘ice days’ off.  Then nearly two weeks after my birthday I enjoyed an Enneagram assessment facilitated by a local Houstonian.

I learned about Enneagram a few years ago but had not done much to pursue it other than reading a few articles.  The few times I had tried to google ‘Enneagram and Houston’ together I had not had much luck.  Most of the workshops that popped up were long past.  Somehow in the midst of the craziness of my family life at the end of 2017, I got a hit.  I found a website of a local facilitator that had an email address.  Within an hour of pressing send, I received a return call and scheduled an appointment.  Life caused both of us to reschedule two different dates but we finally ended up meeting on January 26th.

Persisting to complete my Enneagram assessment was a gift to myself.  Judy says that the Enneagram is what separates me from myself, others and God.  Here are some things I learned about myself in getting my Enneagram assessment:

  1. I am a Type 2 (Giver).  As a Giver my nature is to be caring, helpful, supportive, and relationship-oriented, but I can also be prideful, overly intrusive, and demanding;
  2. I ‘anticipate’ what others need and step in before/regardless of if they ask for help;
  3. It stresses me out to not fill other peoples needs; and
  4. In times of stress I move toward Type 8 (Protector); in times of security, I move toward Type 4 (Romantic).

As with all personality assessments, the results are not exact.  However, what I appreciate about the Enneagram is the spiritual component and the recognition of how our childhoods shape the personalities we present as adults.

I’ll be digging into my Enneagram over the next few years.  If you’ve completed your Enneagram I would love to hear about your results.

kelli

 

State of Our Union 2018

Tonight I live-streamed the State of Our Union event.  I was deeply impacted by women who spoke about being underpaid; forced into slavery by owners who held their visas/immigration statuses hostage; women who were sandwiched between caring for their children and aging parents; women organizing in rural communities faced with lack of jobs and increase in opioid addictions; and more.

For half a second I was overwhelmed.  Then I remembered that I was not alone.  Nonprofit workers and supporters across the county are calling for a new day.  In fact, most of my women friends and colleagues are NOT watching 45 (AKA the Leader of the Free World)’s speech but instead committing to an alternative experience. For countless years I have taken seriously my obligation to watch, understand, and analyze the policies lifted high by the Commander-in-Chief.  Until tonight.

As I pulled into my driveway trying to decide on which channel to watch the State of the Union, my friend reminded me of my options.  I considered my friends working for nonprofits, doing critical work for women and girls in local communities across the nation. Who is speaking up for them?!?

After a few minutes of deliberation, I re-committed to the State of Our Union event I RSVP’d to on Facebook.  I am more than glad about my decision.  I listened to women lift their voices for justice high.  Women speaking of racial, economic and gender justice.  Time after time.

This is OUR story.  This is the state of OUR union.  This is the MY story.  And the state of the Union I leave for my daughter and granddaughter matters more than I ever imagined.

I invite you to take a look at the speeches from the State of Our Union and let me know how YOU will stand for the women who come after us.

kelli

The Gospel According to Brene

 

I have been in search of a new church for the last year.  I have a few favorites but none that I have felt like home.  Last year I decided that even if I did not go to a church service I would honor the Sabbath with rest and reading.  This past Sunday morning a friend posted on Facebook that Brene Brown was speaking at the National Cathedral in Washington, DC and that the sermon would be live-streamed.  Yes, I lost it for a moment.  What could be better than the gospel according to Brene — live?!?  Logging onto online church only to find out I got to miss the sermon and would get to watch Brene be interviewed instead.  Hallelujah!

Below are what I would call ‘church notes.’  In Black church, you take notes when the preacher is preaching.  I take no credit for Brene’s genius and merely add my points of reflection to her powerful words.

  1.  Brene has me sitting with the word repent and the concept of shame. She mentions that repent means turn around. So how did we (i.e. church people, humans, leaders…) get the message that when we need to turn around we should plant ourselves in guilt and shame? Can we focus instead on being in alignment with our purpose and making the changes we need to make for that to happen? May we set our intentions toward being AND loving our full selves in 2018.
  2. “The greatest casualty of trauma is the inability to be vulnerable.”
  3. Are we creating spaces in the work toward justice where people can be vulnerable?  I often talk about the wounded warrior – my mama taught me to be strong but not how to stop and care for myself.
  4. “To opt out of conversations IS privilege.”  Even as a middle-class Black woman I have to fully own that my privilege affords me an opt-out card too.
  5. “Am I choosing comfort over God?”  Hmmmm…that was a good one, Brene.  The answer is probably YES a lot of the time.
  6. Racism. Sexism. Heterosexism. Classism. are ALL TRAUMATIZING.
  7. “How do you numb?”  It depends on the season.  All numbing (I call them avoiding) activities prevent us from fully embracing our lives.  Right now I am working to not eat my feelings so my pants will fit again.
  8. “We do not negotiate our worth with other people. We carry it in our heart.”  Point blank period.
  9. “Your comfort is not my priority.”
  10. “At the end of the day. At the end of the week. At the end of my life. I want to be able to able to say I contributed more than I criticized.”

As usual, Brene left my brain on fire.  There are so many truths in these ten highlights.  Consider taking the time to watch the discussion yourself  (the interview starts around 1:51).

kelli

p.s.  2018, I am so ready for you!