A Call-In for Black Women in Leadership
If you’re a Black woman in leadership causing harm to other Black women, this post is for you. Please read it with an open heart and mind.
I consider myself a Black woman’s woman. I try really hard to give us the benefit of the doubt, to collaborate, to lift up and say people’s names in rooms that they’re not in. It really makes me frustrated – angry in fact – when black women cause harm to each other. We can and must do better.
We talk a lot about systems that keep us bound. But not enough about how we sometimes become the system when we internalize the same oppressive beliefs, habits, and patterns we say need to end.
Freedom Over Things That Never Served Us
We don’t have to replicate leadership that never served us! This is why I created the #leadfree framework to help us lead ourselves and others from a place of freedom, not fear, scarcity, or performance. Leading free means we check ourselves, choose differently, and stay in integrity with the world we say we want to see.
Below are five signs that you might be the one blocking our collective freedom. I invite you to read it with accountability, self-compassion and a willingness to grow.
Five Signs You’re An Unfree Leader
1. You’re more comfortable critiquing than coaching.
No one is ever good enough to meet your standard. Instead of mentorship, you offer “constructive” feedback that breaks people’s spirit and confidence. Or you just do it all yourself. Sis, that doesn’t make you excellent. Instead, it keeps others from growing and keeps you from doing the work that’s actually yours to do.
2. You enforce the codes that once silenced you.
Another Black woman shows up bold, or expressive, or fly and you think she’s doing too much. You judge or make shady comments in your group chat. You forget that someone once judged you the same way. Freedom means being able to be authentic. If it’s not breaking a policy, either share the hidden codes and expectations that aren’t being shared or let her be!
3. You only rock with Black women who act like you.
Let me say this loud for the people in the front: We are not a monolith. If her Blackness looks different — different background, accent, gender expression, beliefs — you create distance instead of community. That’s not protection. That’s policing. And it’s giving 1950’s. Stop causing harm because a Black woman is different than you.
4. The young folks have written you off.
The youngsters in the office were excited to see a Black woman in your role. But you showed up uninterested, gatekeep-y, unwilling to meet them where they were. Your standards weren’t the problem—your lack of curiosity and care was. You don’t have to be the favorite office Auntie, but don’t be the bitter toxic one either.
5. You made it—and closed the door behind you.
You’ve been promoted again and again, but you’re the only one rising. The only Black folks who succeed under you are just like you. That’s not a pipeline. That’s a silo. That’s unfree leadership.
This Is the Work of #LeadFree
These behaviors don’t make you bad. They make you human.
A human shaped by systems that never expected you to thrive.
But you can choose something different. You can #leadfree.
Start Here: Reflection Questions
Take 15 minutes. Write honestly. No judgement, no guilt, no shame.
- Which of the five behaviors hit home—and why?
- Where did I learn this way of leading? What does it protect me from? What does it keep me from?
- Who have I made assumptions about, judged, or excluded—and what do I need to repair?
- What does leadership rooted in freedom look like for me?
- What would it feel like to be a Black woman’s woman for real, without condition?
What to Do Next
If you saw yourself in one or more of the five, it’s not too late. Use this call-in as your invitation to become a Black woman’s woman.
- Apologize to the Black woman you judged unfairly.
- Invite in the colleague you’ve kept at a distance.
- Speak someone’s name in a room they’ve never been invited into.
- And if you’re ready to be held in this work, get a coach—preferably a Black woman—who can help you unlearn what no longer serves you.
- You can also access our free #leadfree Leadership Guide to help you on your unlearning journey.
You can unlearn, Sis. Go ‘head and #leadfree.
