Kelli King-Jackson, ACC

Coaching for Black women leading in white spaces.

self care

Boho Berry Challenge Dec 2018

Thanks to my village for riding with me through this rollercoaster of a year. All the rants & tears, wisdom, encouragement, prayers, and love were more helpful than I can say. 

Here are some reflections from my Boho Berry #yearendreview.

My favorite memory of 2018: sitting in the desert with @jtjackson. 

Biggest accomplishment: saying NO. (My fellow #enneagram2’s will understand.)

Biggest Challenge: Navigating my role in and across multiple complicated relationships.

Two of my successes: I wrote more & was more consistent with my planner

Money well spent: travel

Smart decision: maintaining emotional boundaries with unhealthy people

Unfinished business: my home office & finding a new therapist

Start doing: learning more about #menopause

Keep doing: more family & bestsister time

Self-Care: more laughter

Word for 2019: F R U I T I O N

#bohoberrychallenge #planneraddict #writer #travelislife #enneagram #selfcare

Times Like These

I cannot even overstate how crazy 2018 has been both personally and professionally.  In the WORLD.  Things are so nuts I’m reading my horoscope daily.  Wearing my diffuser bracelet 24/7. And sometimes just plain scream as I listen to the news.

This past week was full of people I know and strangers alike disclosing trauma to me.  I was holding space and holding my breath each day, uncertain as to what awaited me.  

Life was a lot every day last week.  

In times like these, the best investment I can make in myself is to divest from other people, places and things. 

#realtalk

So this week I kind of checked out…    

Instead, I talked to my best sisters.  Spent time with all my children and grandchildren.  Went on a date with my husband.  It felt good to prioritize them in my day in some way.  Some days it was just a text.  Other days it was spending an hour on the phone conspiring to take over the world.

I also got back to my podcasts and General Hospital and saw the Netflix original, Nappily Ever After.

In times like these, I cannot do what others need and want me to do. 

In times like these, I have to spend intentional time alone.

In times like these, I need to put my eyes on my people.

In times like these, I need to laugh. 

In times like these, I need to send people to voicemail.

In times like these, I need to sleeeeeeeeeeep.

So, for those looking for the profound this week.  I’ve got nothing.  This week was a week that I am grateful to have survived.  

Here’s to next week which is next month and all the potential it holds.

kelli

 

 

The Gospel According to Brene

 

I have been in search of a new church for the last year.  I have a few favorites but none that I have felt like home.  Last year I decided that even if I did not go to a church service I would honor the Sabbath with rest and reading.  This past Sunday morning a friend posted on Facebook that Brene Brown was speaking at the National Cathedral in Washington, DC and that the sermon would be live-streamed.  Yes, I lost it for a moment.  What could be better than the gospel according to Brene — live?!?  Logging onto online church only to find out I got to miss the sermon and would get to watch Brene be interviewed instead.  Hallelujah!

Below are what I would call ‘church notes.’  In Black church, you take notes when the preacher is preaching.  I take no credit for Brene’s genius and merely add my points of reflection to her powerful words.

  1.  Brene has me sitting with the word repent and the concept of shame. She mentions that repent means turn around. So how did we (i.e. church people, humans, leaders…) get the message that when we need to turn around we should plant ourselves in guilt and shame? Can we focus instead on being in alignment with our purpose and making the changes we need to make for that to happen? May we set our intentions toward being AND loving our full selves in 2018.
  2. “The greatest casualty of trauma is the inability to be vulnerable.”
  3. Are we creating spaces in the work toward justice where people can be vulnerable?  I often talk about the wounded warrior – my mama taught me to be strong but not how to stop and care for myself.
  4. “To opt out of conversations IS privilege.”  Even as a middle-class Black woman I have to fully own that my privilege affords me an opt-out card too.
  5. “Am I choosing comfort over God?”  Hmmmm…that was a good one, Brene.  The answer is probably YES a lot of the time.
  6. Racism. Sexism. Heterosexism. Classism. are ALL TRAUMATIZING.
  7. “How do you numb?”  It depends on the season.  All numbing (I call them avoiding) activities prevent us from fully embracing our lives.  Right now I am working to not eat my feelings so my pants will fit again.
  8. “We do not negotiate our worth with other people. We carry it in our heart.”  Point blank period.
  9. “Your comfort is not my priority.”
  10. “At the end of the day. At the end of the week. At the end of my life. I want to be able to able to say I contributed more than I criticized.”

As usual, Brene left my brain on fire.  There are so many truths in these ten highlights.  Consider taking the time to watch the discussion yourself  (the interview starts around 1:51).

kelli

p.s.  2018, I am so ready for you!

Organizing as Self Care

I’ve been stuck at home for two days due to a cold front passing through Houston.  The temperatures are in the low 20s and our city has asked everyone to stay put.  This meant that today I got to have the day off.  Before I knew it, I was working on our tax spreadsheet for 2017.  I HATE doing the tax spreadsheet.  I try to stay organized but every year working on the spreadsheet feels like it is sucking the life out of me.  Still, some kind of way the tax spreadsheet is one of the tasks that gets stuck on my to-do list.  I really do try not to complain but I am not a numbers girl.  I like to read and write.  Hence this blog 🙂

Whatever happened to me today, I looked up and I was going through my ‘taxes’ folder in our family email.  Yes, we have a family email account.  I also have one for coupons!  Who has time for 10,000 sales ads in their inbox but who never wants to miss a sale?!?  Me! Having a ‘taxes’ folder allows me to save any receipts for donations or business related expenses to one folder.  In theory, I want to go through that folder once a quarter but I have not made that much progress.  Still, it was quite amazing to realize that even just having this one folder saved me hours of time.  No paper receipts to track down.  I can do a search in the folder for frequent expenses.  After just a few hours today, I had my spreadsheet all filled out.  Now I will just wait for my tax donations letters so I can make sure cross-check my numbers.  Once I get those donation letters and our W-2s I can share my spreadsheet with our accountant.

Many of my friends think I am extremely organized.  I always think I am not organized enough.  You know the drill.  I have come to realize that being organized and having systems in place is a self-care practice.  When I am organized I am less frazzled.  I can find what I am looking for.  I waste less time.  I have less negative self-talk.  For me, even a simple to-do list and a calendar alert to shred junk mail every Friday at 2pm takes a load off my brain.  

To my friends who struggle with being organized I want to share the following:

  1.  Having too many/too much is the biggest barrier to being organized.  Get off the mailing lists (paper and electronic).  Focus on getting information from things you really care about.  Streamline and downsize.
  2. Keep it Simple, Sister!  A complicated organizing system will frustrate you and never be implemented.  Do not waste time and money.  Figure out what type of lists you like and if you prefer paper or electronic or both.  Try something.
  3. Stay off Pinterest…unless you are really disciplined.  When you are just getting started you run the risk of looking for a system that looks good vs. one that works for you.  Start with the list and then see if you can stick to it before getting into the aesthetics of planning systems.
  4. Reflect on what is blocking you.  Schedule an AFT session with me, write in your journal, scream it out.  You must, must, must connect with the internal feelings and thoughts that hold you back from making progress.  

In the end, being just a little bit more organized will motivate you to keep going.  Give yourself grace.  Celebrate the small wins.  Keep telling yourself that the more organized you are the more time you have for you!  It’s a headache to start but well worth it in the end.  

 kelli