Kelli King-Jackson, ACC

Coaching for Black women leading in white spaces.

self care

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4 5

Today is my second 45th birthday!  Right now I am in Vietnam on vacation.  I got to celebrate the 13th in here with my husband and two bestsisters.  We had an amazing day touring important monuments in Hue (pronounced Way) that connect to the American War (known in the U.S. as the Vietnam War). 

Me standing in the temple at Thien Mu Pagoda

Then we did some local people watching and a nice dinner at the resort where’re staying.  It was a nice but looooong day.  Because I’m in a time zone matrix, I woke up and there were still another 8 hours left of my birthday in the U.S.  It was super nice to wake up to text messages and online posts from my friends back home.  

#blessed

45 will be a year of double everything for me.  My word for the year is ‘fruition: the state or action of producing fruit.  No more planning.  No more brainstorming.  No more giving my time and attention to thinking about making moves.  

All action, all year.  

I’m setting that intention.

More productive.

More loving.

More curious.

More clear.

More confident.

More vacations.

More patient.

More laughs.

More meditation.

More reading.

More writing.

More delegating.

More boundaries.

More joy.

I’m not expecting magic this year.  Only clarity of purpose by clearing out emotional and physical clutter.  I’ve already started by spending the first few days of the year reorganizing my home and work offices, setting up the framework for my planner, and setting personal and family goals.  In addition to the goals, I have benchmarks and timelines to hold myself accountable.  I’m not saying take more vacations, I’m setting potential dates now.  I don’t need all the details to make commitments.  But I need to write things down if I have any chance of manifesting the intentions.

#allactionallyear

So today, January 13th part II, I’m writing this post to remind myself of what I aspire to in this 45th year of life.  I cannot wait to look back next year and see all the things I manifested. 

kelli

Boho Berry Challenge Dec 2018

Thanks to my village for riding with me through this rollercoaster of a year. All the rants & tears, wisdom, encouragement, prayers, and love were more helpful than I can say. 

Here are some reflections from my Boho Berry #yearendreview.

My favorite memory of 2018: sitting in the desert with @jtjackson. 

Biggest accomplishment: saying NO. (My fellow #enneagram2’s will understand.)

Biggest Challenge: Navigating my role in and across multiple complicated relationships.

Two of my successes: I wrote more & was more consistent with my planner

Money well spent: travel

Smart decision: maintaining emotional boundaries with unhealthy people

Unfinished business: my home office & finding a new therapist

Start doing: learning more about #menopause

Keep doing: more family & bestsister time

Self-Care: more laughter

Word for 2019: F R U I T I O N

#bohoberrychallenge #planneraddict #writer #travelislife #enneagram #selfcare

Times Like These

I cannot even overstate how crazy 2018 has been both personally and professionally.  In the WORLD.  Things are so nuts I’m reading my horoscope daily.  Wearing my diffuser bracelet 24/7. And sometimes just plain scream as I listen to the news.

This past week was full of people I know and strangers alike disclosing trauma to me.  I was holding space and holding my breath each day, uncertain as to what awaited me.  

Life was a lot every day last week.  

In times like these, the best investment I can make in myself is to divest from other people, places and things. 

#realtalk

So this week I kind of checked out…    

Instead, I talked to my best sisters.  Spent time with all my children and grandchildren.  Went on a date with my husband.  It felt good to prioritize them in my day in some way.  Some days it was just a text.  Other days it was spending an hour on the phone conspiring to take over the world.

I also got back to my podcasts and General Hospital and saw the Netflix original, Nappily Ever After.

In times like these, I cannot do what others need and want me to do. 

In times like these, I have to spend intentional time alone.

In times like these, I need to put my eyes on my people.

In times like these, I need to laugh. 

In times like these, I need to send people to voicemail.

In times like these, I need to sleeeeeeeeeeep.

So, for those looking for the profound this week.  I’ve got nothing.  This week was a week that I am grateful to have survived.  

Here’s to next week which is next month and all the potential it holds.

kelli

 

 

The Gospel According to Brene

 

I have been in search of a new church for the last year.  I have a few favorites but none that I have felt like home.  Last year I decided that even if I did not go to a church service I would honor the Sabbath with rest and reading.  This past Sunday morning a friend posted on Facebook that Brene Brown was speaking at the National Cathedral in Washington, DC and that the sermon would be live-streamed.  Yes, I lost it for a moment.  What could be better than the gospel according to Brene — live?!?  Logging onto online church only to find out I got to miss the sermon and would get to watch Brene be interviewed instead.  Hallelujah!

Below are what I would call ‘church notes.’  In Black church, you take notes when the preacher is preaching.  I take no credit for Brene’s genius and merely add my points of reflection to her powerful words.

  1.  Brene has me sitting with the word repent and the concept of shame. She mentions that repent means turn around. So how did we (i.e. church people, humans, leaders…) get the message that when we need to turn around we should plant ourselves in guilt and shame? Can we focus instead on being in alignment with our purpose and making the changes we need to make for that to happen? May we set our intentions toward being AND loving our full selves in 2018.
  2. “The greatest casualty of trauma is the inability to be vulnerable.”
  3. Are we creating spaces in the work toward justice where people can be vulnerable?  I often talk about the wounded warrior – my mama taught me to be strong but not how to stop and care for myself.
  4. “To opt out of conversations IS privilege.”  Even as a middle-class Black woman I have to fully own that my privilege affords me an opt-out card too.
  5. “Am I choosing comfort over God?”  Hmmmm…that was a good one, Brene.  The answer is probably YES a lot of the time.
  6. Racism. Sexism. Heterosexism. Classism. are ALL TRAUMATIZING.
  7. “How do you numb?”  It depends on the season.  All numbing (I call them avoiding) activities prevent us from fully embracing our lives.  Right now I am working to not eat my feelings so my pants will fit again.
  8. “We do not negotiate our worth with other people. We carry it in our heart.”  Point blank period.
  9. “Your comfort is not my priority.”
  10. “At the end of the day. At the end of the week. At the end of my life. I want to be able to able to say I contributed more than I criticized.”

As usual, Brene left my brain on fire.  There are so many truths in these ten highlights.  Consider taking the time to watch the discussion yourself  (the interview starts around 1:51).

kelli

p.s.  2018, I am so ready for you!