i am kelli | Kelli King-Jackson, Certified Professional Coach

Coaching for Black women working in white spaces.

marriage

Just Us

Ok.  I will admit it.  Today was fun.  And we did the closets!  Gasp.

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This picture is of me after having found my african fabric that I used to do ‘head-wraps’ when I was in undergrad at NYU.  My BBF and I were living in Brooklyn in the mid-1990’s during the high days of A Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul, all the way to the emergence of Da Bush Babees, Black Star, Mos Def and Talib Kweli.  The days of Nkiru Books and poetry readings.  The days of folks staying at our dorm or apartment for longer than appropriate simply because they could.

When I opened the box with my head wraps today I was an hour into the de-cluttering of our current walk-in closet.  The hubby and I bailed on the project last night but tonight we were brave.  I was ready to bail again but he walked in all energetic so I acted like I was too 🙂

When I say the closet was stuffed I mean there was not another inch of space.  Four hours later the floors are mostly clear.  While we still need to get rid of some items I can honestly say that we are making great progress.

It shocked me that I enjoyed tonight’s session so much.  I thought I would hate it.  Getting started was a challenge but once we got going I was reminded that I am actually looking forward to moving.

The best part of the process thus far has been spending so much time with my husband.  I drive him crazy but he totally loves it.  We stood in this closet surrounded by clothes and shoes we have no business owning, listening to Musiq Soulchild, and letting go of the barriers of the past.  We worked and reflected back to when we lived in separate apartments to when JT moved into a bigger apartment in anticipation of the children coming to live with him full time to our first home as a family — just us four.  Jacksclan.  Jacks’s clan.  All four of us living together building a new future when folks thought our lives were already determined.

This time it is just us two.  The old people.  Plus Sanchez (our doggie).  We hope (that is another post). Trying to chart a path forward.

It is different this time.  We are not planning for children (actual or dreamed). We are not planning for family and ways to bring them together.  This time it is just us, planning for just us.

Tonight was just what I needed to get me moving again after the hustle of the past few days.  I remembered tonight why I am excited about our new adventure.  KKJ + JLJ.

kelli

Husband

Today is my husbands 44th Birthday.

I’m not good with dates and memories so I do not remember the first birthday we spent together. It was probably 2002 but you would have to ask him to be sure.

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Today was one of the rare birthdays we’ve spent alone. As a blended family most of our special days have included children and a dog (or two:)

This year we are true emptynesters. I’m not coordinating with school activities or classes or jobs. I’m not wondering how we are all going to be together. This year I have accepted and even embraced our empty nest reality. This year I’m excited that we are together—alone.

I don’t know how I’ll feel tomorrow or next year. I just know that today I am grateful that we are a couple that still enjoys each other; that still laughs; that still dreams; and that still hopes for a future full of new adventures.

kelli

Out of Balance

O God, I beg two favors from you; let me have them before I die.
First, help me never to tell a lie.  Second, give me neither poverty nor riches!
Give me just enough to satisfy my needs.
Proverbs 30: 7-8

Today was a great day.  The hubby and I drove around looking at neighborhoods where we might want to live.  We drove around talking about budgets, space, amenities.  All the things one considers when moving.  The conversation started out a little tense and got easier with time.

After driving around we made a few decisions about renting vs. buying, size, location, etc.  It was one of the best conversations we have ever had about finances and home-buying.  This is not out first rodeo but it is a new adventure.

Reinventing me?  How about reinventing my marriage?  My finances?  My dreams?

The best part of the conversation was the sense that a load is being lifted.  For the first time in our marriage we are making decisions for us.  Not our kids, our parents or our even our dogs.  We were thinking about what JT and Kelli want to leave for their legacy beyond ‘assets’.

The awesome part is that we are teaching our children about priorities, change and financial security.  We are teaching them how to right-size when things get out of balance.

To top it off, God was gracious enough to have a podcast about downsizing cross my path today.  Listening to the podcast I realized how much my husband and I have martyred ourselves to provide opportunities for our family.

“I’m afraid to let go because I don’t know what’s next. But He gave me this so I’m sure He’ll bless what’s next.”

I do not regret the exposure and experiences.  It served a purpose for a season.  It is time to balance our goals, wants and dreams with the reality of our changing family structure (young adults living outside the home).

Now it is time to move on.  It is time for my young adult children to step up and develop their lives.  It’s time for my husband and I to step up and pay off debt so that we can serve more.

I am excited about this next season. I am excited to watch God work miracles.  I am excited to see how I grow and change during this journey.  I am excited to get back in balance.

kelli

Down is Up

The hubby and I have gone back and forth about downsizing for over a year.  Our lives have become less about our children and more about each other.  There is so much we want to do over the next 20  years that do not involve a mortgage or large home.

We want to spend more so we can give more.  We want to have less so we can be free of unnecessary responsibilities.  This concept is new for us.  We  grew up being told that the ‘American Way’ involved buying homes and living in the ‘burbs.  We have owned to homes in 12 years.  Been there, done that.

While our time living our current neighborhood has been great, we are open to new adventures.  However, charting a new course takes a lot of time and research.  Where do we live?  Do we rent or buy? One story or two? Apartment, condo or house? And on, and on, and on.

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What I know that we want to take more vacations, have less debt and use fewer resources.  While this way of thinking is contrary to the dreams we learned to chase, the economies of our 30s taught us that happiness and impact are more important than property.

I never thought I would think this way but I do.  I am ready to be free.

This weekend, we will start looking at potential neighborhoods.  We will be thoughtful during this transition but know that for us down(sizing) is the new (up)ward mobility.  If we step down our expenses and extras we can raise up our giving and fun.

Are you an empty-nester?  Have you downsized your lifestyle to give yourselves more flexibility with time and resources? If so, I would love to hear your experience in the comments.

kelli

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