leadership

Anchor

June 5, 2018

Have you ever been on a boat (of any size) during a storm? Even when anchored? No bueno! Listen, I was on a small boat in St. Lucia on a beautiful day and one wave had me hitting the deck. Water terrifies me because when I look out I see no end. No land.

No control.

Not having control is one of my greatest shortcomings. I do not want to be in charge because I think I know everything or because I am power-hungry. It’s actually the opposite. For me, being in control is a way to protect myself. Protecting myself from who/what is much harder to explain.

As a Black woman, I have spent much of my education and career in predominantly white spaces. That feeling of not having control of my future was very early on filled with intimidation and fear. Was I good enough? Why me?

As a woman with daddy issues, I have had many relationships with men who could not communicate. That feeling of not having control of my relationships was very early on filled with fear of abandonment. Was I good enough? Why me?

Do you see the pattern? I was pervasive in every area of my life.

When I was a child, I understood an anchor to be something to keep things steady; to stop the boat from going into dangerous territory. As an adult, I know that an anchor is only as good as the rope or chain it is tethered to. An anchor is no good on its own, though it often gets all the credit for holding things down. Kind of odd since the anchor must be connected to a material to connect itself to the ocean floor well enough enough to keep the boat from drifting.

As I think about my word for 2018 I know that I am committed to manifesting a life that is only tethered to people, institutions, and causes that share my values. I vizualize my life anchor as being tethered to the things I hold dear. I value honesty, loyalty, service, and empathy. I am learning that cannot actualize in spaces that do not align with my values. When I am required to be in relationship with people who do not share the same values, I struggle to trust them to hold me down.

This awareness did not happen overnight. Neither did the freedom to make such a bold statement.

I’m growing, y’all!

If you want to more fully lead with your values by aligning your personal and professional development with your purpose I want you to join me.

Over the next few weeks, I will be rolling out some programming for a small group of values-driven women. The heart of the programming will center on creating safe spaces for women ready to focus on their personal development as they look to deepen their professional goals. Women in the group will take deep dives surrounded and anchored by an intentional community. There will also be a (slightly larger) Facebook group and the opportunity for one-on-one coaching.

If you are a values-driven woman, looking to anchor yourself deeply in a plan for growth, send me an email to be notified when registration opens. If you’re truly ready to go in the deep waters, I’d love to have you get on our boat.

Anchors, aweigh!

kelli

Enneagram Life

March 10, 2018

Because I am a good nerd, I like to spend my birthday alone. Some years I craft. Others I read or do a spa day. This year, my birthday was on a Saturday and my husband surprised me and flew one of my best sisters in from Cali. Seeing her sweet face made what had been a rough few months 10,000 times lighter. My husbands timing was perfect because my ‘plans’ had fallen through. In my head, I had planned to go on a genealogy road trip through the deep south to do some research at local libraries for my special day. When he shared his plans for my birthday weekend I felt a sigh of relief that I was not in charge of finding something to do to ring in the 4-4.

In the end, things worked out as they always do — just as they should. I had a great weekend with friends and family. I got two extra ‘ice days’ off. Then nearly two weeks after my birthday I enjoyed an Enneagram assessment facilitated by a local Houstonian.

I learned about Enneagram a few years ago but had not done much to pursue it other than reading a few articles. The few times I had tried to google ‘Enneagram and Houston’ together I had not had much luck. Most of the workshops that popped up were long past. Somehow in the midst of the craziness of my family life at the end of 2017, I got a hit. I found a website of a local facilitator that had an email address. Within an hour of pressing send, I received a return call and scheduled an appointment. Life caused both of us to reschedule two different dates but we finally ended up meeting on January 26th.

Persisting to complete my Enneagram assessment was a gift to myself. Judy says that the Enneagram is what separates me from myself, others and God. Here are some things I learned about myself in getting my Enneagram assessment:

I am a Type 2 (Giver). As a Giver my nature is to be caring, helpful, supportive, and relationship-oriented, but I can also be prideful, overly intrusive, and demanding;
I ‘anticipate’ what others need and step in before/regardless of if they ask for help;
It stresses me out to not fill other peoples needs; and
In times of stress I move toward Type 8 (Protector); in times of security, I move toward Type 4 (Romantic).

As with all personality assessments, the results are not exact. However, what I appreciate about the Enneagram is the spiritual component and the recognition of how our childhoods shape the personalities we present as adults.

I’ll be digging into my Enneagram over the next few years. If you’ve completed your Enneagram I would love to hear about your results.

kelli

Privilege & Power

October 6, 2014

“Forget intention, are you having an impact?”

Last week I walked deep in the waters of privilege and power. A colleague told me they recommended me for a opportunity because I am ‘a person of color.’ Their words. To my face. I totally did not know what to do. And they totally did not know what to say next. After a few awkward stutters from my colleague I tried to move the conversation forward.

Then I went home to process.

I was taken back by the statement. Offended even. How could one of my liberal colleagues feel it appropriate to say that they recommended me for an opportunity because of my race? More importantly, what was I going to do about it?

After a day of thinking, I decided to respond via email. I did not want my thoughts to be lost in a flurry of emotions and frustration. I took my time and crafted an email that listed why I felt uncomfortable and how the conversation made me feel. Then we talked face to face.

The points I want(ed) to be clear are that:

It is not the responsibility of people of color to diversify organizations and institutions.
It is not the responsibility of people of color to make white folks/folks in power to feel comfortable with diversity.
Diversity that is not impactful if it is not intentional.

Privilege and power come with responsibility. What you say and how you respond to things said to you are based on the privilege and power you hold.

There are more than enough people of color to fill executive leadership and board of director positions. The fact that more of these positions are not filled by people of color is not acciential. We can no longer say ‘there are not enough’ or expect people of color to continue to fight to kick down barriers. It is time for folks of privilege to use their powers for good.

If you think the world should be more diverse, make it happen.

This is my edited response. What I said to the person in question is private. The themes and why I responded are universal.

The important fact is that I spoke up. I did not let this blip on the radar pass. I did not hide my concerns. I did not let someone else’s power trump my feelings. I did not let my feelings be invalidated by someone else’s intentions.

Impact trumps intention every time.

Have you been in a similar position? If so, how did you respond? Which was more important – intention or impact?

kelli

leadership

Footer

Recent Posts