Kelli King-Jackson, ACC

Coaching for Black women leading in white spaces.

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Mornings Are Possible

To say that I have NEVER been a morning person is a gross understatement.  I LOVE sleep.  Shoooot, I love just laying in my bed relaxing.  I was the child whose parents woke them up and then had to come back in the room because said child had gotten back in bed 🙂

On top of loving sleep I love nighttime.  My brain wakes up around 8pm.  I get a full-on sunrise in my mind.  The mental light turns on in my head and ideas start flowing.  Going to sleep before midnight was rare for me.  The combo of loving sleep and being a night owl have been a pattern in my life for countless years.

As I entered my late thirties I started noting changes in my sleep pattern especially occurred during high periods of stress (mostly family-related). Around this time I was trying to deal with hormonal changes and my sleep patterns got even funkier.  I would go to bed around midnight and right around 2am my eyes would pop open. Some nights I would be awake until 5am with an alarm set for 7.

I was sleepy all the time.  I knew I could not function at my maximum with that sleep cycle.  I started reading books about hormone imbalance for women approaching menopause.  I started trying to make myself get in bed by midnight.  Nothing worked.

I really doubted that mornings are possible for people like me.

Then, in 2013 the Feldenkrais Center of Houston newsletter announced a workshop called, MoveSleepEat.  I signed up, SHOWED up (mentally and physically) and my sleep has been steadily improving since.  I learned so much about what I was doing wrong with my sleep.  Did you know that deep breathing energizes you so it is NOT something you should do when trying to sleep?  I always thought taking deep breaths relaxed you.  When trying to sleep taking deep breaths actually stimulates your brain. The class included relaxation techniques as well as practicing putting ourselves to sleep.  I was not happy when we had to wake up to end the class 🙂

The best thing I got from the class was the belief that I could become a good sleeper.  That even during periods of stress, I could get my body back to sleep, all without ever leaving the bed.  Learning these tips turned the impossibilities of doing something like Miracle Mornings into a reality.

Recently women in my Facebook group started asking me about sleep. I shared the top 3 things I do to get a good night’s sleep.  Take a look:

1. I set a bedtime. 11pm is my weeknight cutoff. If I go past bedtime I do not adjust the rise time (6am). I do this as a way to correct my behavior. I can only go 1 or 2 days going to bed late before I am tired enough to start going back to bed on time. I try not to get too off schedule with bedtime on the weekends.

2. The whole ‘turn off electronics an hour before bed’ thing does not work for me. I read on my iPad before bed. So, I put my screens on ‘night mode’. I triple-click the center button the backlight is no longer white, it turns black. I also make sure the brightness of the screen is on the lowest setting. It feels like reading by flashlight 🙂 AND it doesn’t disturb my husband. Win/win.

3. If I find myself waking up in the middle of the night I do NOT get out of bed. I lay there and tell myself that I need my rest. I try shallow breaths.  If I get out of bed I try to not get a snack! Middle-of-the-night munchies are the devil. Sometimes I will write – when stressed sometimes I just need to process/get things off my mind. Our workshop leader encouraged us not to judge ourselves when we wake up in the middle of the night. She encouraged us to find productive things we can do (blog, clean, read, etc.) that build ourselves up.

My young adult daughter was dealing with insomnia at the beginning of this semester. I gave her the tips above and she tried them.  Here is her YouTube video on how she got her sleep back under control.

If mornings are possible for me, they are possible for anyone!  If I can work on my sleep and start getting up in the morning to work on ME then you can too.  Come on a join me!  See you in the morning.  ‘Night y’all!

4 Ways to Embrace the Miracle of Mornings

So y’all know I am new to the world of personal development. When the term was first introduced to me I just didn’t get why my coach thought this was something I needed to address. I have a career. I have friends. I read. Like what else was I supposed to be doing?

With a little research I came up with my own definition of personal development: the process of intentionally investing in people and things that contribute to ongoing growth.

As a creature of habit, I needed to put a system in place to help me keep my development on the top of my to-do list. After a few weeks of reading articles and listening to podcasts I stumbled upon Hal Elrod’s The Miracle Morning. Take a quick look at this video to see what The Miracle Morning is all about:

S.A.V.E.R.S. are the crux of the Miracle Mornings framework.
Silence | Affirmation | Visualization | Exercise | Scribe

The geek in me was on board with the structure of the the S.A.V.E.R.S.  Structure and routine work for me.  They give me life.

I will go into more detail on each of the S.A.V.E.R.S. as the month progresses.  Until then, here is a quick and dirty list of ways I use The Miracle Mornings to help me grow.

1. Make it a priority. I add my development time to my daily calendar. I use a daily planner system called the Bullet Journal to manage my daily tasks.

2. Find a system that works for you. I discovered the Miracle Morning system this summer (I will write a separate post about this soon). Miracle Mornings help me start my days off right. I have never had any system or process that kept me consistently getting up at least an hour before I need to get ready for work.

3. Find an accountability partner. I believe wholeheartedly in accountability. I do not think humans were created to do life alone. My accountability for my personal development is a ‘Mornings with Kelli’ Facebook Group I created for close friends looking to work on their personal development.  I totally get more out of the group than they do 🙂

4. Sleep.  I have had MAJOR issues with sleep for as long as I can remember. These days I have a great handle on my sleep.  I will never be a perfect sleeper but I know my do’s and don’ts if I want to have a good nights rest. I promise to  write about sleep this month.  All I can say is that getting my sleep under control was the key to me getting my life!  I cannot wait to share my sleep journey with my fellow night owls.

Mornings are doable even for the skeptic.  The key for me was embracing the possibility of mornings.  I had to open my heart and mind to the idea that this night owl was capable of improving her sleep and starting her mornings off productively. If I can embrace the miracle of mornings you can too.

I would love to hear specific questions about personal development.  What stops you from investing in yourself?  How can we take this journey together?

kelli

Women, Family & Personal Development

jackson family 2004Truth: As women we are socialized that our family is supposed to be our top priority.  We get these messages from the media, our faith communities, and even our children. I remember my daughter coming home in high school talking about her friends mom who cooked dinner every night.  Yada, yada, yada.  At the time I was working full time and running a consulting business in the evening.  I just looked at my daughter and listened to her ramble on about the amazing meals this woman made every night and how she was invited to stay and join them.  I could see how my daughter was being influenced by others messages about family even though they were not mine.

Even though I did not say anything at the time in my mind I was in total ‘what the hell’ mode.  I was doing my best to manage a husband, kids, and two jobs in a field I loved but my efforts didn’t seem like enough.  I kept wondering if my family was suffering and if they knew that they were a priority.  I second guessed my career and if it was taking away from my family time.  Maybe I spent too much time with my girlfriends.  I even wondered if I should start cooking again and if I needed to move away from my hippy meals to more hearty southern faire.  All this from a simple comment from a teenager who had no idea what was swarming in my head.

I knew in my heart how much I considered my family in every decision I made. I was using lunch hours to shuttle kids to extra curricular activities and working consulting gigs to bring in extra income for my household.  But I enjoyed my work.  I was committed to weekly date nights with my husband.  My time with my girlfriends was cherished because it was critical to my mental health.  Shoooot, I needed to do more for ME but how could I justify that knowing all that was on my plate.

As women we are are hardest critics, especially when it comes to our families.  We love our families to death – figuratively and literally.  I have seen women walk away from careers they love so they can carpool and pick up their children from school.  Women who make sure their families have home-cooked meals and annual physicals but neglect their own health.  Women who have accepted sermons from pastors who preach that a woman’s first ministry is to her family and everything else does not matter.  I have watched husbands work 70 hour weeks while their wives cook, clean, carpool, nurture, discipline and handle homework.  In all of these scenarios women get lost as human beings.  As women we become the Machine not because our partners do not love us but because we have all bought into the narrative of the martyr.

With all that is on our plates who in the world has time for something woo-woo like personal development?  Read?  Take a class?  Girls night?  Riiiiiight.  All that mumbo jumbo about ‘me-time’ must wait until promotion the next anniversary, graduation, wedding or God help us retirement.  The message we get on every hand is that our personal development is not vital but something to do if we can fit it in after every one has what they need.

Let the record show that I am team ‘Happy Wife, Happy Life.’  For Kelli this means that as much as I give and nurture I MUST also receive and be nurtured.[bctt tweet=”As much as I give and nurture I MUST also receive and be nurtured. #write31days”]

Can we just consider for a moment that a woman who invests in herself is doing what is best for her family?  Can we imagine that a woman who takes the time to regularly read, worship, exercise and connect with things that bring joy to her heart is a woman fully committed to her family?  This is the vision of family and womanhood that I have come to esteem highly.  I am my best for my family when I am carving out time on a regular basis to care for me — when I keep myself at the top of my to-do list.

I look forward to sharing more about my personal development highs and lows over the next month.  I want my women friends to join me in this exploration.  Let’s teach our sons and daughters an important message about what womanhood in the 21st century can mean.  Are you in?  What questions do you have about personal development?  Let me know.

kelli

I Care and I Am Willing To Serve

I Care and I Am Willing to Serve

I Care and I Am Willing to Serve and Stand for Children
Lord I cannot preach like Martin Luther King, Jr.
or turn a poetic phrase like Maya Angelou
but I care and am willing to serve and to stand up for children.
I do not have Fred Shuttlesworth’s and Harriet
Tubman’s courage or Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt’s political skills
but I care and am willing to serve and raise my voice with others for children.

I cannot sing like Fannie Lou Hamer
or organize like Ella Baker and Bayard Rustin
but I care and am willing to serve.
I am not holy like Archbishop Tutu,
forgiving like Mandela, or disciplined like Gandhi
but I care and am willing to serve and sacrifice to build our children a better future.

I am not brilliant like Dr. W.E.B. Du Bois or
Elizabeth Cady Stanton, or as eloquent as
Sojourner Truth and Booker T. Washington
but I care and am willing to serve and use the talents I do have to keep children safe.

I have not Mother Teresa’s saintliness,
Dorothy Day’s love or Cesar Chavez’s
gentle tough spirit
but I care and am willing to serve and make a difference for children.

God it is not as easy as it used to be
to frame an issue and forge a solution
but I care and am willing to serve and to keep struggling until we find the way to build the 21st
century movement for children.

My mind and body are not so swift as in youth
10and my energy comes in spurts
but I care and am willing to serve and to vote for my grandchildren.

I’m so young
nobody will listen
I’m not sure what to say or do
but I care and am willing to serve.

I can’t see or hear well
speak good English, stutter sometimes, am afraid of criticism
and get real scared standing up before others
but I care and am willing to serve.
Lord, use me as Thou will to save Thy children today and tomorrow and to build a
nation and world where no child is left behind and everyone feels welcome.

Written by:
Marian Wright Edelman
Founder/President, Children’s Defense Fund
Taken from, Hold My Hand: Prayers for Building a Movement to Leave No Child Behind®