i am kelli

LOVE + FREEDOM

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S.A.V.E.R.S.

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DIsclosure: This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you click on one of the product links, I may be compensated for sales of products I link to.

Today I thought I would go a bit more into the components of the Miracle Mornings framework.  A few days ago I briefly mentioned that S.A.V.E.R.S. are the key to Miracle Mornings.  S.A.V.E.R.S. stands for:

Silence | Affirmation | Visualization | Exercise | Scribe

Miracle Mornings means that you commit to waking up at least 30 minutes early to go through each of the S.A.V.E.R.S. Realizing that some days will not allow for that time commitment, Hal says the S.A.V.E.R.S. can be done in as little as 6 minutes – spending just one minute on each component.

To get to work on time I need to leave my house by 8am.  I have experimented with different times to wake up to get my S.A.V.E.R.S completed and be out the door on time.  Two months in to my Miracle Morning journey I have tested alarm times anywhere between 5:30 and 7:30am.  The key is that no matter what time you wake up you do NOT press snooze.  When my dreaded alarm goes off I use that time for my ‘S.’  I take a moment to say Thank you God for another day.  I also say a prayer of gratitude and hope for what the day will bring.

For me reading is the best part of the morning.  I usually start with the Jesus Calling devotional, the accompanying scriptures on my bible app and then a few pages of a book on my ipad Kindle app.  RIght now I am circulating between Rising Strong (Brene Brown), For the Love (Jen Hatmaker) and The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing (Marie Kondo).

My visualizations have mostly been about my affirmations.  I have tried to make my affirmations things that are not wishful thinking but actionable.  Then I form a picture in my mind of that action.  One of my recent affirmations as about me establishing my presence and showing my leadership at an important meeting.  I pictured myself making rounds and talking to influential people in the room — all without having a panic attack.

I do not do any of the other S.A.V.E.R.S. in order.  Most days I do them all but if I am going to skip something it is usually the scribing or the exercise.  On my good days I do a Jillian Michaels kettlebell workout and write my morning pages.  On my worst I do neither. Truth.

Right now my daily schedule is out of control.  For example, today I had back to back meetings from 8am to 8pm.  Between work and launching a new business most nights I do not get home until 8 or 9.  I get home and then spend the next few hours trying to process and decompress from the day.  Getting up early means I try to go to bed by 11pm.  For the most part I have been consistent with this new bedtime effort.  As a recovering night owl I am amazed that I have been able to change my body clock so quickly.

As a young emptynester who works relatively close to work, I realize some women might laugh as my suggestion that anything I’ve outlined is a challenge.  Having young children and/or needing to do things like cook dinner and check homework are not my current reality.  Still, I challenge all my women friends with children at home to push themselves to find time for themselves daily.  As much as the Miracle Mornings have been transformative for me there are hundreds of other productivity systems out there. The key is finding something that you can commit to, something that stirs you to action.

I believe every woman deserves the chance to grow. Finding a daily opportunity to be the center of your learning and living is an ideal way to help growth take place.  For some women this might mean hiding in the bathroom to read a few pages of a book or for others using your lunch hour to scrapbook.  For someone else it might be writing in a gratitude journal before bedtime or in a dream journal before getting up.

Ultimately, you have to believe something is possible to make it happen.  Do you believe you deserve to spend time on yourself? Are you willing to make a sacrifice for yourself like you make for your children/spouse/partner/community? Who is in our corner that can help hold you accountable for investing in yourself?

My goal is to support other women committed to growth.  How can I help you find the time to make your growth a priority?

kelli

 

Love

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Today’s writing prompt word is ‘love’ so I decided to focus on my husband, Jack.  Tomorrow my #1 will be 45!  Our family typically celebrates birthdays on the actual day.  I really get into birthdays.  Each family member gets to pick the type of food they like and I spend hours on OpenTable trying to find the perfect spot.  Even after eight years living in Houston we have never celebrated a birthday at the same restaurant.  There are so many amazing restaurants in this city so I use our birthdays as a way to explore.

I am a creature of routine so becoming an empty-nester has meant getting used to changing how we celebrate holidays.  As our children have gotten older and moved away from home birthday dinners are more often than not just me and Jack.  It took some getting used to but since we generally like each other a dinner for two with just us can be pretty nice.

This year we are not celebrating on Jack’s actual birthday because he wants to spend his it at the Texans game with his high school friends.  For a second I thought to be offended that he was breaking one of our last family traditions but before I ‘went there’ I paused.  I (usually) take a second to process when my emotions threaten to rise up because I know that while feelings are valid they change.  Speaking and making decisions based solely off emotion is not my M.O.  It USED to be when I was ‘anger girl’ (circa 1990’s) but I learned to self-regulate.  This means I learned to process my emotions before (re)acting.

I process emotions every day now.  I start my mornings with silence and prayer.  I visualize the goodness I want to receive in my life or me overcoming challenges. On my best mornings I write.  All of these activities help me keep my mind clear and focused on all the goodness in my life.  They also help me cope with the hard times with determination and hope.  And most importantly, it helps me to not allow little things to change my attitude so much that it becomes difficult for others to live or work with me.  I show my love for Kelli by taking the time to process because I believe I deserve to be the happy version of myself instead of the angry version.

So, as Jack was talking about his proposed birthday plans I listened to his excitement about the game and tailgate.  This dude really likes football.  If you love someone, why deny them something that brings them joy just because of tradition? I also considered that my workday on Jack’s actual birthday would not end until 7pm. If I love myself, why not enjoy the opportunity to come home and relax?

This sounds like a complicated examination to have in one’s head but imagine how the conversation could have gone if I hadn’t stopped to process.  In only a few seconds I had the choice to be offended and hurt OR to operate out of love for my spouse and myself.  I am glad I chose the later.

Relationships take work.  Good relationships are never perfect.  Relationships become good when we listen and love more than we talk and react. Remember: love is patient, love is kind — to self and others. [bctt tweet=”Remember: love is patient, love is kind — to self and others.”] And when we mess up just remember that love NEVER fails.

kelli

P.S. I need y’all’s help.  Should Jack get his present tonight at dinner or wait until midnight?!?  What say ye?

Mornings are (im)Possible

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To say that I have NEVER been a morning person is a gross understatement.  I LOVE sleep.  Shoooot, I love just laying in my bed relaxing.  I was the child whose parents woke them up and then had to come back in the room because said child had gotten back in bed 🙂

On top of loving sleep I love nighttime.  My brain wakes up around 8pm.  I get a full on sunrise in my mind.  The mental light turns on in my head and ideas start flowing.  Going to sleep before midnight was rare for me.  The combo of loving sleep and being a night owl have been a pattern in my life for countless years.

As I entered my late thirties I started noting changes in my sleep pattern especially occurred during high periods of stress (mostly family related). Around this time I was trying to deal with my endo and found during my cycles (think hormonal changes) my sleep patterns got even more funky.  I would go to bed around midnight and right around 2am my eyes would pop open. Some nights I would be awake until 5am with an alarm set for 7.

I was sleepy all the time.  I knew I could not function at my maximum with that sleep cycle.  I started reading books about hormone imbalance for women approaching menopause.  I started trying to make myself get in the bed by midnight.  Nothing worked.

In 2013 the Feldenkrais Center of Houston newsletter announced a workshop called, MoveSleepEat.  I signed up, SHOWED up (mentally and physically) and my sleep has been steadily improving since.  I learned so much about what I was doing wrong with my sleep.  Did you know that deep breathing energizes you so it is NOT something you should do when trying to sleep?  I always thought taking deep breaths relaxed you.  When trying to sleep taking deep breaths actually stimulates your brain. The class included relaxation techniques as well as practicing putting ourselves to sleep.  I was not happy when we had to wake up to end the class 🙂

The best thing I got from the class was the belief that I could become a good sleeper.  That even during periods of stress I could get my body back to sleep, all without ever leaving the bed.  Learning these tips turned the impossibilities of doing something like Miracle Mornings into a reality.

Recently women in my Facebook group started asking me about sleep. I shared the top 3 things I do to get a good nights sleep.  Take a look:

1. I set a bedtime. 11pm is my weeknight cutoff. If I go past the bedtime I do not adjust the rise time (6am). I do this as a way to correct my behavior. I can only go 1 or 2 days going to bed late before I am tired enough to start going back to bed on time. I try not to get too off schedule with bedtime on the weekends.

2. The whole ‘turn off electronics an hour before bed’ thing does not work for me. I read on my ipad before bed. So, I put my screens on ‘night mode’. I triple click the center button the the backlight is no longer white, it turns black. I also make sure the brightness of the screen is on the lowest setting. It feels like reading by flashlight 🙂 AND it doesn’t disturb my husband. Win/win.

3. If I find myself waking up in the middle of the night I do NOT get out of the bed. I lay there and tell myself that I need my rest. I try shallow breaths.  If I get out of the bed I try to not get a snack! Middle of the night munchies are the devil. Sometimes I will write – when stressed sometimes I just need to process/get things off my mind. Our workshop leader encouraged us not to judge ourselves when we wake up in the middle of the night. She encouraged us to find productive things we can do (blog, clean, read, etc.) that build ourselves up.

My young adult daughter was dealing with insomnia at the beginning of this semester. I gave her the tips above and she tried them.  Here is her YouTube video on how she got her sleep back under control.

If I can work on my sleep and start getting up in the morning to work on ME then you can do.  Mornings are no longer impossible because I have conquered them.  Come on a join me.  You can do it! See you in the morning.  ‘Night y’all!

Home – The 2015 Version

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Today’s Five Minute Free Write word is ‘home.’

I have to be honest.  Right now I am struggling with the notion of home.  I have two young adult children not living at home.  Maintaining a relationship with my kids at this age is a challenge. We are all busy and have different communication styles.  Add to that the total lack of control parents of young adult children have.  Let me just tell the parents of teens that they need to note this.  As nutty as the teenage years may seem things can quickly unravel once your children ‘age out’ of parental control responsibility.

The other factor that is challenging my sense of home is the fact that our living situation is in transition.  We are renting an apartment that started out great but has quickly become a reminder of the benefits of homeownership. What was a fun, run-away-from-home experience has now become a lesson in what it means to live in someone else’s space.  Thankfully we have been blessed with the opportunity to purchase a new home.  The new house should be soon.  I am beyond ready.  Except for the packing.  I would love to just show up at the new place empty handed and start life anew.  I know, I know…

The transition from house to apartment to new house has definitely impacted my personal development efforts.  Our new space is small and the walls thin.  Working out in the morning only works if my husband heads out on time for his Bikram Yoga and/or a run.  Thankfully our college student has not been home much because my home office doubles as the guest room.  Can you say cramped?!? Finally, my new home office is small and the layout does not flow in a way that helps me be productive.  Clearly all of these transitions are 1st world, middle class issues.  I am spoiled, not delusional.  Regardless of the frame of reference, I can honestly say that sticking to my goals and plans of investing in me requires a different level of thought given our current circumstances.

As I begin to prepare for our new home I am looking for new ways to both organize and maximize my space.  Some things (i.e. the family file cabinet) HAVE to be in my office to help me be more productive.  Out of site means out of mind and my backed up filing is the evidence. The other thing I am learning is the value in having my whiteboard visible.  Somehow in the new place my whiteboard ended up behind the door.  What the world was I thinking?  I have no idea!  So while I have handy checklists in my purse when I get home I have nothing that really stands out to remind me of my commitments to things for our household.

I am really excited about setting up my new space in my new home.  This time my husband and I will be sharing space – something we have not done in about 10 years.  I am excited and a little nervous about sharing.  We like each other but um ‘er ah I like my stuff how I like it.  And so does he!  Add us to your prayer list please.

When we moved into our apartment I was really excited about the idea of being free of responsibility.  As the husband and I prepare to move into our first home where our children were not the center of our plans I feel immense excitement.

New home, I am ready for you.  See you soon!!!!

kelli

P.S.  Hit me up if you want to help me pack!  lol