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Hello 2018

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Hey y’all!  2017 was hard.  I started the year with a broken website, the rollout of some harmful public policies that changed the context of my day job, and some crazy family dynamics.  Then just when I seemed to get a handle on things, Hurricane Harvey hit my city.  All 2017 I felt that life was running me.  About three months ago, my executive coach challenged me to stop fighting against my life and figure out what lessons were in the hardships.  I knew she was right but honestly, I was pissed – at the universe for the chaos, at people for leaving their junk at my front door – but I also knew I had to take back control over my life.

One of the first things I did was look at where I was spending my time.  At work, I proactively rolled off some committees and notified others I would not be renewing my service after my term ends in 2018.  I started doing more online shopping.  I legit hate the store and decided to spend my time elsewhere.  Amazon Prime has a great auto-ship feature that brings our most commonly ordered items to our home.  Instacart lets me shop local and avoid the dreaded grocery store.

One of my most rewarding actions this year was staying in regular communication with my best-sisters.  We have a group text chat that saved my life for sure.  As much as I believe in self-care, sister-care is equally important to me.

By far THE best thing I did this year was going a second vacation with my husband!  We legit needed the time to rest and recover from a chaotic time in our family.  We decided our relationship deserved some time with just us!

Here are my 17 in 17 (in no particular order):

  1. Conducted my first local Self Care Workshop
  2. Attended the Houston Women’s March
  3. Completed the Rockwood Institute Art of Leadership training
  4. Presented at 3 national conferences
  5. Sponsored a couple dear to our family to take a little getaway
  6. Saw my Grammy in person
  7. Learned to knit
  8. Took two international vacations
  9. Performed in my first choir concert in 20 years
  10. Visited the world famous FamilySearch Family History Library
  11. Co-Facilitated my second national self-care workshop
  12. Served on the Hurricane Harvey Relief Fund Grants Committee
  13. Started my Aroma Freedom Technique Certification
  14. Lost 15lbs of post-40 weight
  15. Fixed my website
  16. Consistently worked on my genealogy research
  17. Microloced my hair

I am proud that my list does not only include professional accomplishments but personal ones as well.  This is the first time in a long time I can say I ended the year having consistently made time for things I enjoy.  I still struggle with boundaries and saying ‘no’ but each year I get better at saving more time for things that fill me up with positive energy.  We still have a lot of family stuff going on but I am learning to let people take responsibility for stuff instead of making things better.  This year I did not shy away from having difficult conversations but really could do without another one for a long time!

I am really excited about 2018!

My word of the year for 2018 is: ACTUALIZE.  I have lots of ideas that have been brewing in my head and heart.  I have pages upon pages of notes of plans and projects.  In 2018, I will do the work to focus and bring some of these ideas to fruition.  No more talking myself out of it not being the right time or place.  I am beyond excited for what the year will bring.

What about you?  What were your highlights for 2017?  In 2018, what will you work toward for you?  Your career?  Your family?

P.S.  I still have some clean up to do on my site to get it fully functional.  Thanks for sticking with me while I finish getting everything back in proper working order.

 

Enough

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Join us for a Beta Test of

RADICAL SELF-CARE

FOR WOMEN

WHO’VE HAD ENOUGH

Are you ready to say ‘BYE to all the toxic people and things in your life?

You are NOT powerless.

Let’s say ENOUGH and clear the way for 2017.

Join us for an interactive session that makes space for you to:

  • Acknowledge the highs and lows
  • Make space for more ‘yes’
  • Visualize a way forward
  • Identify key supports
  • (Re)Create your self-care toolkit

We will leave our time together with a renewed sense of purpose and a plan to face each day with boldness and joy.

Women who have experienced loss, work in high-pressure careers (corporate and nonprofit), are emptynesters, and/or are part of a blended family are especially encouraged to attend.

There are only eight (8) slots for this beta session in Houston.  To join us, please register today.

Saturday, January 7th
10am – 1pm
Houston, TX
Lunch will be provided




*If you are unable to join us, please be on the look-out for more workshops in 2017.

Radical SAVERS for Self Care

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I haven’t written a blog post since February. Not sure how that happened…oh yes, I do.  L.I.F.E.

As an employed-preneur (aka hustla) I work and run my own businesses.  I have an (extended)family and community.  Since I’ve been away my family has faced some heavy, heady, stuff.  We’ve experienced graduations, travel, surgeries, biopsies, and now cancer. I have blogged in my head but other than character limited social media posts could not get a single word out on the page.  Things happen that way.

Two nights ago, the murder of Alton Sterling woke me back up.  I acknowledged that while my family’s suffering is real, I live a privileged life.  We have had the resources to pursue education, access healthcare, travel.  We have each other to lean on in times of true pain.

My privilege does not absolve me from showing up for others.  My privilege requires me to use my education, resources and networks for the greater good.  I know without a doubt that God created me to pursue justice as a radical act of faith.

As I was trying to figure out how to get out of bed this morning, I popped on Facebook to check in with my virtual crew. The first item on my news feed was a picture of a Donny Hathaway album that a friend posted.  She reminded me of the healing power of music & its importance to my self-care.

Y’all know I use the Miracle Morning personal development framework for the past year.  This mornings SAVERS were situated in the reality of two Black men murdered by law enforcement in the last 48 hours.  My SAVERS were radical in that they were not about my personal enjoyment or fulfillment.  They were about addressing trauma in a way that freed my spirit to face the day.

radical self care coloring

Here are today’s SAVERS:

Silence: prayer for the families of Alton Sterling & Philando Castile

Affirmation: #blacklivesmatter

Visualization: freedom

Exercise: yoga (tadasana)

Read: Psalm 103:6

Scribe: outline for a blog post on black philanthropy for black lives, coloring

This my people is #radicalselfcare. Name and address the trauma (if you are ready/able). If you have the privilege of time and space, take it.  Take care of you by any means necessary.

Our lives literally depend on it.

kelli

My Three Words

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I am a goals girl.  I believe in the importance of goals to guide me.  Without written anything I lose my way.  Things pull me into so many directions between work, home, businesses and family that it is easy for me to go into scatterbrain mode.  I miss deadlines.  I forget to respond to emails.  Folks take it real personal if they text me and I do not answer.  It costs me money if I miss deadlines for my day job or one of my businesses.  This is why I do a my three words or some other activity at the top of the year.

I have to be uber organized to keep everything afloat. I have a spreadsheet for bills that include our house, current debt including my student loans and expenses related to our college student.  I also keep a to-do list of activities I am responsible for my new business.  My paper tracking mostly is a bullet journal-esque type format that allows me to check off tasks once completed.  My electronic tracking is my iPhone calendar that syncs to my Google Calendar and my work Office365 calendar.

Without my tools my life is OUT OF CONTROL.  I cannot meet any goals when my life is out of control.  Simply put: I fail to make progress in any area of my life when I wing it.

That is why each year I spend time during the first week trying to prioritize my commitments for the year.  This includes looking at our family debt-free goals and expanding streams of income to make said goals happen faster.  Another key thing for my yearly planning is making sure I have released any activities that are weighing me down.  You know what I’m talking about.  Those ‘yeses’ you said out of guilt or obligation.  Given my life I do not have the luxury of giving shallow yeses or what I call ‘life clutter.’  My yes must be in alignment with my soul…and my goals.  Anything that deviates from those two things has to come off my to-do list.

Last year I did a remarkable job of getting rid of my life clutter.  My paper clutter was the smallest it has been in…EVER.  I spent Summer 2015 getting control of my inbox.  I have a system that works so every day I end with zero unread messages.  Waking up on January 1, 2016 was amazing simply because I didn’t have 5,000 unread emails staring me down. So, instead of spending hours filing, shredding and sorting emails on January 1st, this year I was able to actually sit down, pray, reflect and come up with my guiding words for 2016.

Thanks to Chris Brogan I had a guide to help me with my words.  Each word means something special to how I want to live out my life in 2016.

My Three Words2016

Intention – I want everything I do this year to be with clear intentions.  I don’t want to be in reactive mode all year. I want to be thoughtful and for my actions to have a purpose.  Every relationship I pursue for work, business and with my family will be on purpose. Any effort I put in will be genuine.

Press – As a church girl, I use the word ‘press’ as a synonym for ‘persist.’  This year I want to press through things I do not like.  I will press through things that are difficult.  I want to press through emotions that make me want to shut down.

Connect – In 2016 I want to connect with the people in my life in very intentional ways. I do not want to be distracted in my relationships.  I want to be fully present.  I want to press through difficult times in very meaningful — intentional — ways.

My three words are connected and yet stand on their own. They will be good guideposts for the journeys this year will bring.

I am excited about 2016.  The older I get the more ‘ready’ I am to face my life.  Honestly, each year of my life gets better and better.  That does not mean my life is free of challenges but that I am better prepared to face every situation that comes my way.  Each year is better because I am better.  The maturity that comes with aging has helped me see all the possibilities of life.  I am grateful to still be in the game of life so I show up ready to win.

This weekend I will be working on my vision board and actionable goals that will be rooted in these three words.  Stay tuned…

Cheers to an amazing 2016!

kelli

My theme song for 2016 is Intentional by Travis Greene.

[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VH3f0ellNv8[/embedyt]

Capture Moments of Joy

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Tonight the husband and I spent the evening with a friend celebrating her birthday. There were a million reasons I could have come up with to not attend. Other things I ‘should’ have been doing. Cleaning. Writing. Resting.  The list goes on.

I made a decision this year to be more intentional about showing up for people who show up for me. Instead of investing time and energy into deadend friendships and connections I seek ways to support folks who are walking the same journey as me.

I had a great time tonight. I laughed until my face hurt. I shared my appreciation for my friend. I was fully present for her day.

As I work on this personal development I’m learning to not just capture and reflect on tasks. It’s the moments of true connection that I will hold with me forever.

kelli

A New Song

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Ever feel like you have nothing to say even though your mind is full of all kind of thoughts about the world?  That’s been me for quite some time.  I think about writing.  I feel guilty about not writing.  I don’t write.

My whole life has been about words.  I talk a lot.  I read daily for fun and work. And I love to sing.

I’ve been humming along to the tune of my current life for a minute.  Things have been good but something is calling me to be quiet.  It’s a feeling I get.  I don’t feel settled.  I get a little anxious.  Not panic attack anxious but they type of nervous energy when something good is about to happen.  Then there is the dread.  The overwhelming sense that if I’m not in the right place at the right time I might miss that good thing.

I know.  Nuts.

It’s ok.  I’m used to my crazy.

This past year I picked up a few social media clients.  I had not done much in the sector since my kiddo got sick a few years go.  I stopped all my nonprofit and social media consulting and went into helicopter mom mode.  Then I came out of that and dealt with my own health challenges.  All of that turmoil resulted in an amazing career change that has consumed my attention.  Now, I’m in a nice groove and my soul is starting to yearn for more.  For a new song. Picking up these new clients is a way for me to hum, if you will, as I wait.

I’m pretty certain I’m waiting to find my voice again. Finding new words and audiences.  Expanding my reach.  Finding my voice means I’m thinking and processing and praying. Finding my voice does not mean I’m lost.  It’s more like I need to prepare to sing in a different key because the song selection is about to change.

I’m waiting to hear God tell me my next big thing.  I must say, I find the whole experience exciting and frightening.  Every adventure I’ve ever followed God on has been ah-mazing. I expect no less this time.   This next song is going to be epic.  I can’t wait to sing along.

kelli

40 Thanks

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Last year on the eve of my 40th birthday my husband kicked off THE best celebration of my life thus far.  Not many people get to celebrate their birthday with friends and family from across the country.  I did.  For that I am grateful.  Folks spent their time and money to help me enter what is said to be the best times of a woman’s life.  I would like to personally thank my crew who joined in the festivities:

JT, Shae, Kendra, Chiyah, Mommy, Cecilia, Necole, Amanda, Nikki, Jermaine, Adler, Lorrie, Ameen, Nicole, Victoria, Keisha, TyKeisha, Kamia, Ron, Christy, Auntie Kitsaun, Auntie Deborah, Uncle Gregory, Jelli, Daru — and all those who couldn’t make it but cheered me on this year.

I have THE BEST TEAM EVER.  I love you.

Here are some of the things I was able to accomplish in my 40th year thanks to your love and support.

1.   Walked my first 10K
2.   Applied for and received the ABFE Connecting Leaders Fellowship
3.   Traveled to Jamaica
4.   Stopped saying ‘yes’ to things out of obligation
5.   Gave a presentation at my first national conference in several years
6.   Established a new relationship with money
7.   Started bible journaling
8.   Learned to say ‘no’ to things others can do for themselves
9.   Became more consistent in my relationships
10. Invested in people and organizations that give me life
11. Learned the value of sleep
12. Got to spend time with all five of my godchildren (including the globetrotter’s)
13. Visit my family in Seattle for the first time in more than a decade
14. Read one book per month
15. Kept myself at the top of the list all year-long

For all you did to support me — T H A N K  Y O U!

kelli

Privilege & Power

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“Forget intention, are you having an impact?”

Last week I walked deep in the waters of privilege and power.  A colleague told me they recommended me for a opportunity because I am ‘a person of color.’  Their words.  To my face.  I totally did not know what to do.  And they totally did not know what to say next.  After a few awkward stutters from my colleague I tried to move the conversation forward.

Then I went home to process.

I was taken back by the statement.  Offended even.  How could one of my liberal colleagues feel it appropriate to say that they recommended me for an opportunity because of my race?  More importantly, what was I going to do about it?

After a day of thinking, I decided to respond via email.  I did not want my thoughts to be lost in a flurry of emotions and frustration.  I took my time and crafted an email that listed why I felt uncomfortable and how the conversation made me feel.  Then we talked face to face.

The points I want(ed) to be clear are that:

  • It is not the responsibility of people of color to diversify organizations and institutions.
  • It is not the responsibility of people of color to make white folks/folks in power to feel comfortable with diversity.
  • Diversity that is not impactful if it is not intentional.

Privilege and power come with responsibility.  What you say and how you respond to things said to you are based on the privilege and power you hold.

There are more than enough people of color to fill executive leadership and board of director positions.  The fact that more of these positions are not filled by people of color is not acciential.  We can no longer say ‘there are not enough’ or expect people of color to continue to fight to kick down barriers.  It is time for folks of privilege to use their powers for good.

If you think the world should be more diverse, make it happen.

This is my edited response.  What I said to the person in question is private.  The themes and why I responded are universal.

The important fact is that I spoke up.  I did not let this blip on the radar pass.  I did not hide my concerns.  I did not let someone else’s power trump my feelings.  I did not let my feelings be invalidated by someone else’s intentions.

Impact trumps intention every time.

Have you been in a similar position?  If so, how did you respond?  Which was more important – intention or impact?

kelli